Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A THANKSGIVING MEMORY

By
Earl Hamner

In the beginning my hometown of Schuyler, Virginia, was a company town, the home of The Alberene Stone Corporation that quarried and milled soapstone. We lived in company built houses and bought our goods from the company store. Schuyler had been a prosperous little village but when the Great Depression came the mill closed. My father found work in Waynesboro and could only be home with his family on holidays and weekends.

I remember a Thanksgiving from those years. Mornings were strangely quiet because the whistle calling the workers to the mill was still in observance of the holiday. On this Thanksgiving morning the sound that woke us was that of my father, home for the holiday, building a fire in the wood-burning cook stove. He drenched the wood with kerosene and when he lit it with a match the flames mad a whooshing sound as they roared up the chimney.

Shortly, he called down the hall to my mother, “Sweetheart,” which was his name for her till his dying day. My mother answered, “I’m on my way,” and joined him in the kitchen. They spoke quietly to each other, sharing private moments. Soon the sound of coffee percolating and the aroma of sizzling bacon would drift up to our rooms.

We descended upon them, eight red headed brothers and sisters, crowding around the stove to warm up. Breakfast was served at a long wooden trestle table my father had built and while we ate he would admire his brood and call us his “thoroughbreds.”

Each of us was assigned chores. The girls helped our mother wash and dry the dishes, make the beds, washing and iron the clothes. The boys tended to outside chores. There was the cow to be milked. She was a brown and white Guernsey. My father had bought her from Miss Dolly Hall for forty dollars. Miss Dolly had named her Chance because she gave a “good chance” of butter. The chickens had been up before us and were waiting for the grain we tossed to them on the frosty ground. Feeding the pigs was a melancholy chore. They had intelligent eyes and looked up trustingly as we poured slops into their tough. I knew, and it pained me, but they were unaware that they did not have long to live.

Our Father had brought home the turkey the day before. He had shot it over on Wales Mountain and my mother was already preparing it for the oven when company began to arrive.

We were part of two great clans. My mother’s family, the Gianinnis, was of Italian descent and came from the town of Lucca in the Tuscany region. The earliest to arrive in our country was Antionio and his wife. Antonio had been brought over by Phillip Mazzi, a neighbor of Thomas Jefferson’s and eventually he became one of Jefferson’s gardeners. They were tall blond people for the most part, God fearing Baptist with strong family bonds.

In addition to my mother’s family, most of whom lived close by, my father’s people, aunts and uncles and cousins would arrive from Richmond and Petersburg. We were in awe of the city cousins. They used slang words that were new to us such as “guy” “jerk” or “kiddo” which made us feel naïve and countrified. We children would travel in packs, playing the old games of Hide and Go Seek, Olly, Olly Oxen Free, and in the nearby school yard we would shoot baskets or play baseball, or find a plowed field where we searched for arrowheads and fools gold.

In the house the conversation grew in pitch and volume as everybody talked at once. Hardly anybody heard what the other was saying but everybody knew what was going on. We are a family of storytellers. No event is without significance to us, and all that happens becomes a part of our history. We keep and share every detail. Our reunions become a verbal history of birth and death, of failures and accomplishments, of hardships and good times and just celebrating the joy of being together again. Being an aspiring writer I shamelessly kept notes!

At one point everybody piled into cars and went to the graveyard where we paid respects to our dead. The more recent graves bore markers with names and dates carved or engraved on them. In the older section we came to earlier graves marked simply by a single primitive stone with no lettering to tell the name of who rested beneath it.

On the way home one of the uncles made a detour down to Esmont to visit the Staples Sisters who made bootleg apple brandy. He brought a bottle back with him and it was surreptitiously passed from one of the uncles to the other. If she caught sight of it one of the wives would disapprove but her scolding did not last long for someone moved to the piano and soon all the grown ups had their arms around each other, swaying back and forth while singing “In the Garden” or “Down by The Old Mill Stream” or “Let Me Call You Sweetheart.”

In the late afternoon dinner was served. If my Grandmother Gianinni was there she would say a proper grace, but if she was not my father said, “Look out, Lord, we’re gonna eat!” A grace that Miss Ora looked upon with great disfavor. What a feast ensued! The turkey, golden brown, had a minimum of birdshot left in it! The applesauce was made from fruit we had gathered from an abandoned orchard down on Mt. Alto. The butter beans, the corn, and the peas came come from our summer garden and canned by my mother. The potatoes flavored with Chance’s rich butter were not mashed but creamed. Finally desserts. The sweet potato pie, still warm from the oven, was encased in a crust so crumbly and sweet that it alone could have been a dessert. And then came the pumpkin pie, steaming aromas of brown sugar and nutmeg, and all laced with generous portions of whipped cream. All of it was accompanied by milk for the children, coffee for the adults and if requested iced tea as sweet as sugar cane.

At sundown out-of-town guests drifted off to whatever relative had taken them in for the night. Others, sated with food and companionship, gathered around the radio for Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Thanksgiving message. Sleepy, exhausted children were carted off to bed. It was a family custom that we would call goodnight to each other from room to room and finally, we would drift off to sleep secure in the knowledge that we were home, safe and loved.

They were challenging times, those Depression Years. They seem so distant now. We thought we were poor, but in them we were richer than we knew.

The house where we lived fell into disrepair for a while, but happily it was bought by someone I respect and admire and am most grateful to, a fellow Virginian, Pam Rutherford. She has restored the house from top to bottom. I was afraid that when I visited there after the restoration I might be disappointed but Pam has paid such incredible attention to detail that when I was there a couple of weeks ago I walked thought the door and I was home again.

In memory I go there each night. I stand beside the gate, look up to the house, and once again I hear the voices of my mother and father, my brothers and sisters as we call goodnight to each other before we sleep.

The end.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

THREE HOMECOMING STORIES

Dear Friends,
I have to tell you that there has been a glitch on my mail system but it has finally been ironed out. Hope we will be in better communication from now on. Thanks for your patience. I will post a special Thanksgiving blog early in November. In the meantime the latest news has just been posted.
Have a happy October.
Earl

THREE HOMECOMING STORIES!

#l

HAMNER GOES HOME!

Old Earl is going home! Home to my beloved Virginia, home to where everybody knows your name, home to people who invite you to sit up and talk till bedtime, people who know how to fry chicken, how to properly make ham biscuits, and how to correctly pronounce the words – about, house, and mouse!

Carolyn Grinnell is throwing a party! Those of you who have attended past reunions of the Walton’s International Fan club know it is a day long adventure capped off with an unforgettable banquet.

The 2009 Reunion will be held on November 7th at the Doubletree Hotel in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Carolyn has invited Jon Walmsley and me to be guests of honor, and we are looking forward to the day. Her theme this year is an Early Christmas and every guest is asked to bring an old fashioned decoration to dress up the tree.

The day will be a full one. It will include a visit to the Schuyler Baptist Church where the Hamner family worshiped, The Waltons Mountain B and B with its extensive collection of Walton books and Virginia antiques, and a stop by the Hamner house which has been so lovingly and faithfully restored by owner Pamela Rutherford as well a visit to the Museum of Rural History at Lovingston.

Guests will need to arrive on November 6th since activities will start early on the next morning. Space is limited but for further information contact Carolyn at 336-993-2752.

#2

OLD WRITER TURNS ACTOR!

I was once invited by the director of a stage production of “The Homecoming” to perform at the Laguna Playhouse here in California. With my knees knocking in fright, I looked out over an ocean of people and read an opening, a kind of curtain raiser, and at the end of the play a closing paragraph. You should have heard the applause!

I have never been the same and always craved for more! So when Peter Coy and Boomie Peterson, Directors of the Hamner Theater back home in Afton, Virginia, invited me to spend an evening with them and to perform with the cast of their production of “The Homecoming” I leapt at the chance.

At 6:00 PM, Thursday November 5th, 2009, along with the cast of the upcoming production, I will be on hand for the festivities.

From 6:00 to 7:00 I look forward to saying hello and to autographing copies of my books that will be on sale at the theater.

From 7:30 to 8:30 I will read scenes from “The Homecoming” with the cast of the upcoming production.

I look forward to this evening. It is not only a source of pride to me that the theater is named after me, but that it continues to bring quality drama and entertainment to Nelson County and the surrounding area.

All tickets are $50.00. Proceeds of this event will go to support the on going work of the theater.

After the reading we can visit as long as you like.

I should stress that I will be there only for this special event. The actual run of the play will begin on Thursday, November 19th at 7:30 pm and will end on December 13th. Tickets for these performances are $10, $5 for 12 and younger. Reservations are suggested. Call 434-361-1999.

Who would have ever guessed that the glorious words of William Shakespeare, the production of a play recently on Broadway, original drama, highlights from the world of dance and music from all over the world, a school for actors, directors and writers and a play written by a boy from Schuyler, would find a home at 190 Rockfish School Lane, Afton, Virginia!

See you there!

#3

AND A LITTLE TO THE SOUTH - -

Down at Hendersonville, Tennessee the Steeple Theater Players will also present–

THE HOMECOMING.

Friday, November 13th through Sunday, November 22nd Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30, Sundays at 2:00.

The Staples Players’ Program Notes were so beautifully written that I couldn’t resist reprinting them.

A play based on the book by Earl Hamner, Jr. (and the inspiration for the 1970s TV series, "The Waltons"). The time is the great depression and the large Spencer family, living at the foot of a Virginia mountain, is struggling just to survive. With his father having to take the only available job a long way from home, Clay-Boy is stuck with unusual responsibility for his brothers and sisters. Just reaching manhood, Clay-Boy has a secret yearning that's quite extraordinary for the practical, earth-bound community in which he lives. He wants to write! His father comes home and brings a special gift for his son, a gift that reveals unexpected understanding and the strength of a loving family.

The Steeple Players Theater is devoted to encouraging the development of God-given talents in a supportive Christian, family environment through the experience of producing quality entertainment. The Steeple Players is a non–profit community theater located at 206 Main Street in the City Square Shopping Center in Hendersonville, Tennessee. It has presented family-oriented theater to the local and surrounding community for over fifteen years.

I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Kym Sims, Director of “The Homecoming” and when I suggested a few slight changes in dialogue from the original script she was not only happy to make the changes but to welcome me to taking an active role in the production - typical of the warm reception I have always found in Tennessee.

I would like to take advantage of this occasion to send greetings to my many friends in Hendersonville and the nearby Nashville area. I will never forget filming the pilot for BOONE there and being allowed to film in such legendary sites as the Ryman and next door at Tootsies. I will never forget that when the Governor gave a reception for us visiting fireman that one of the guests was Minnie Pearl and that when I went over to greet her I said, “I have loved you all my life.” And she said, “Honey, I feel the same way about you.” And I am endlessly grateful to all those friends who worked at Ron Pit kin’s Cumberland House Publishing who have kept my books alive all these years.

Warm thoughts to one and all.

Earl

Friday, October 9, 2009

HARVESTING

When I was a boy growing up in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia during the Great Depression we subsisted partially on my father’s ability to hunt for game, on the plentiful bass and catfish from the Rockfish River and also on wild fruits and berries which grew in abundance in the area, but most especially on the vegetable garden which we tended and which rewarded us generously from the early spring peas to the huge pumpkins that we harvested and either carved into Jack O Lanterns or made into pies in the fall.

I was a sensitive boy, a failure as a hunter.It was painful to me to deal the coup de grace to a quail that had only partially been killed by the spreading birdshot of a twenty-two rifle. I was repelled when a deer had only been wounded and the harsh struggle that had to take place in order to subdue it. And while I continued to fish even into adulthood there came a time when I questioned if the gigantic king salmon experienced pain while I engaged in the hour of “sport” it took to drag it out of British Columbia’s legendary Rivers Inlet.

The one source of food that I took part in planting, cultivating, and harvesting and which gave me the greatest pleasure was gardening. My father’s earliest garden was a sizeable plot on the bank of the Rockfish River. We planted our crops following directions from “The Old Farmer’s Almanac” (Plants that were to be harvested above ground to be planted when the moon was full. Plants that came to fruition underground were to be planted on the dark of the moon!) And it worked!

It was my duty to take water from the Rockfish River and carry it to whatever hill or row was carrying seed. I can still remember the awe and astonishment I experienced when the first tiny leaf of tomato or a string bean or cucumber first showed its face.

I suspect that if my life had followed the pattern like that of the other boys in my village I might well have become a farmer, found a nice local girl and settled down to a life similar to that my parents knew. But due to a set of near miraculous circumstances it was not to be my destiny. Laura Horsley, the wife of our local doctor had friends on the board of directors and nominated me to receive a scholarship at the University of Richmond. The scholarship was awarded and I left the Rockfish River behind. In my sophomore year I was drafted into the Army of the United States and left Richmond, Virginia behind. As a soldier I was stationed in Paris and for a while I fell so in love with that city that I nearly left my own country behind.

I was a far different person when I returned to Schuyler Virginia after the war. While I still hated to wring a chicken’s neck or killing the deer. I could do it. And I discovered that while the Army experience had toughened me, I still felt the awe and wonder of a seed’s awakening and growth. I had visited New York City on our high school Senior Trip. We had gone there to visit the 1939 World Fair. The fair must have astonished most visitors, but coming from my background, it was a glimpse into a world I could not even have imagined. We stayed on Columbus Circle at a hotel that I believe is still there. I loved the city from the moment I first stepped out of the hotel door and breathed in something ineffable that told me that this was my spiritual home. And I promised myself on that trip that someday I would come back and live there. Soon after World War Two I kept that promise and from the moment I arrived I became a New Yorker.

The apartment I rented was described in the classified ads as “for the discerning few.” Actually it was rather special for the price. The owner was an architect and he had stripped the walls down to the original brick and painted them white. Although it was really one large room the space had been utilized adroitly. The bed conveniently disappeared under a raised stairway platform, which led down to the floor of the room. The kitchen was hidden behind a folding door and the bath was its own separate room. The most interesting feature of the apartment to me was not the interior but the exterior. All along the length of the front window was one long deep planter box in which the owner had cultivated a showy bed of geraniums.

I am sure that the owner, a fastidious man, would have had an apoplectic fit if he had ever discovered that hidden in the geraniums I had reverted to my childhood passion to grow things and planted tomatoes, cucumbers, and a bed of wax beans.

My profession led me to California and in its endless sunshine, and climate so hospitable to growing things, my passion came alive again. Our house is on a hillside and what level ground there is became a rose garden which is Jane’s pride and which supplies the house with fresh roses just about all year round.

This year I had an inspiration. I realized there was a level surface! It existed on a long deck surrounding the swimming pool. Why not raise a container garden! Not exactly compatible elements with a pristine turquoise swimming pool from a decorative point of view, but what the hell! As the saying goes, “You can take the boy out of the country, etc.”

I spent hours at the nursery supply stores studying seed packets, comparing brand name pieces of equipment and the complexion of various potting mixtures. A small fortune went into planter boxes, containers the size of tubs, soil, fertilizer, watering cans, trowels, seeds, a composting system, and a hose long enough to water the entire area.

I envisioned what the Los Angeles Times recently described as an “Urban Meadow,” but once assembled the deck began to look as if the Beverly Hillbillies had moved in. But what the hell! Jane’s roses filled the house with beauty. My garden would fill it with fresh healthy produce.

The spring weather was most beneficial with cool nights and bright sunny days. All the seeds went to work enthusiastically and I would rush down to the deck each morning at first light to rejoice at the miracles taking place.

I fantasized about the rich harvest that was sure to follow. I gazed with pity on shoppers in our market as they spent good money on produce from God knows where, sure to be laden with hormones and cancer causing preservatives. I pictured myself, wearing a straw hat and overalls, going from neighbor to neighbor with gifts of hefty beefsteak tomatoes, baskets of crisp wax beans, slender succulent cucumbers, and huge purple eggplant. My visits would inspire others to follow my example. They would foster good neighbor relationships during this deplorable time when trust and good will are disappearing from our society. My garden would sew the seeds for a better world!!

But then a long wet spell set in and I did not visit my “meadow” as often, but when I did I found my infant plants began mysteriously disappearing.

When I kept watch I discovered that the very blue jays, mocking birds, sparrows and linnets that we had fed and treasured were the culprits. I started afresh but covered the next generation of seedlings with netting. The butterbeans came to vibrant life. The cucumber vines were aggressive immediately and were climbing to ambitious heights and the egg plant blossomed when it was only a few weeks old. I bought tomato plants already close to producing fruit and within a week tomatoes the size of marbles appeared. My garden was a marvel.

And then one morning my produce began to disappear. The tomatoes were the first to go, and then the beans. The mystery was solved when I kept watch one dawn and witnessed the raids by ground squirrels, rats, raccoons, skunks, mice and even a family of ravens. I fought back with traps, but the critters outwitted me. I caught one ground squirrel in a Havaheart trap, but I was too tender hearted to drown it and so I drove to Griffith Park and released it. I did harvest a tomato, but like the great fish in Hemmingway’s book “The Old Man and the Sea,” the trophy has been half eaten and was a skeleton of what it had been.

I did manage to arrive early one morning with my camera to catch the one last item the beasts had overlooked.


I harvested the wax bean and rushed in the house to show it to Jane.

“What shall I do with it?” I asked.

With her usual sweetness and generosity, she said, “Earl, it’s your bean.”

I am happy to tell you that my literary harvest has been more productive. When I came from New York to Hollywood in 1961 Rod Serling gave me my first job – an assignment on “The Twilight Zone.” That job opened the door to a lifelong career in television and film and I will always be in Rod’s debt.

During those years I kept a file of ideas for "Twilight Zone" type stories and just this month three of them are seeing the light of day.

"Dark Discoveries” is an exciting new magazine specializing in fantasy and darker type fiction. The present issue has an interview with George Clayton Johnson, an entire script by Bill Nolan and an article by novelist and poet, Christopher Conlon about work that was intended for “The Twilight Zone” but which were never telecast.

I have too a short story in the issue about an aging writer and what happens when he exchanges his sports car for a more sensible model. It is available at newsstands or by contacting the magazine at http://www.darkdiscoveries.com

The same publisher has an anthology called “The Bleeding Edge” and my contribution is a story about a boa constrictor and two brothers who strive for the affections of an exotic dancer. Available by following this link: http://www.jasunni.com/shop/

I harvested one more story from my "Twilight Zone" file. It is a mysterious tale about the revenge a bonsai enthusiast visits on a man who injures one of his valuable trees. It is in a collection called “Twilight Zone, Nineteen Original Stories on the 50th Anniversary” Edited by Carol Serling. Available from all book stores as well as Amazon.com. This “Harvest” is dedicated with gratitude, respect and admiration to the memory of Rod Serling, a fine man, a remarkable writer and a good friend.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

DOGGEREL


For all things there is a season. This is a season for gardening.

I have a file here in my office that’s labeled:

“THERE’S A CURMUDGEON IN THE CAMELLIAS.”

I am that curmudgeon!

The file contains a collection of pieces that have come to me while gardening. While they appear to have the look of poems and some of them actually rhyme, they are not poems at all, but DOGGEREL!

The Bibliophile’s Dictionary by Miles Westley defines doggerel (do g uh rul) –n. as a loosely styled verse in an irregular rhythm. Often for comic effect (from the Middle English word for worthless).

So to those of you fellow maniacs who rush to the yard at dawn to see if the green beans have sprouted, or who know the wonder of watching a tomato seedling grow to maturity, or who are enraptured by the sight of the blossoming night blooming cirrus, set aside your clippers, trowel and watering can for a moment, and enjoy doggerel!


BONSAI IS AN ANCIENT ART

I have a little bonsai tree.
It came in a glazed blue pot.
I placed it on my window sill
And watered it a lot.

I fed it fertilizer
And gave it room to grow.
I spoiled it with attention
And took it to a show.

I pruned that little rascal
And pinched back each new leaf.
And never dreamed that little tree
Could bring me so much grief.

For one day it got spider mites!
To keep myself immune
I sprayed myself with bug spray
I may not live till June.
-------------------------------------------


MARIO WAS NOT A GOOD GARDENER

Mario from the barrio
Killed my prize bamboo!
He’s gone back to the barrio
And I’ve got someone new.
-------------------------------------------


DEAR HOME DEPOT

I’m writing to you from surgery,
And I promise I won’t raise a stench
Regarding the injuries I suffered
Assembling your wooden lawn bench.

It was left at the gate by the postman.
Claimed to lift it would be much too hard.
With great risk to my life and the help of my wife
We moved it to the back yard.

It arrived in a most sturdy carton.
I beat and I punched and I hacked
With a chisel and knife and the help
of my wife
We managed to get one side cracked.

Many thanks for the simple directions
For assembling this wooden bench kit.
It took me most all day to read them,
And I understood little of it.

We finally got all the parts counted.
Six wing nuts were really not there.
And what is that thing like a small oval ring
That fell out and rolled under the chair?

The bench we got finally assembled
It looked most attractive, just right
But next day when we went out to see it,
It had collapsed on the lawn overnight.

We’ve decided to return all the pieces.
You can charge us most any amount.
Our next order? When hell freezes over!
Please kindly close out our account!
-------------------------------------------


LIFE ON MARS

When we go colonizing space
And live in a great glass dome,
I’ll take along a geranium
To make it seem like home.
-------------------------------------------


MAKE YOUR OWN COMPOST!

My compost pile is heating up!
It smells to Heaven high.
Did I sprinkle in too many coffee grounds?
Were my grass clipping too dry?
My neighbor complains of the odor
That drifts downward to his yard.
I’d tell him it’s fumes from my illegal still
But he already thinks I’m odd.
My wife is threatening to leave me.
My children will visit no more.
They claim I’m the neighborhood nuisance
And they’ll never darken my door.

I’ll pay my wife alimony.
And the kids will be misunderstood.
But I’ll go on making my compost
That’s ruining the neighborhood!
-------------------------------------------


MY VISITOR

We have some living jewels
Imported from Japan.
The koi cost a fortune
But watching them is grand.
We have a little visitor
Who comes around each night
He’s a faithful little fellow
But he brings us no delight.
His eyes are bright and beady.
His face is like a mask.
He makes a chirring noise.
He thinks it is his task
To eat my living jewels
While I am in my bed.
One night I’ll lie in wait for him
And shoot the bastard dead!
-------------------------------------------


THE LESSON

Gladys Upchurch called today
To visit with my wife.
She brought along her little boy
And told him to be nice.

“Go play out in the garden, dear,”
She said to little Don.
“Don’t tease the dogs or chase the frogs,
Or throw things in the pond.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said in saccharine tones
But I could tell he lied.
I knew the havoc he would wreck
When he got loose outside.

He started in the fish pond
And tried to catch a koi.
I shouted “Get out of there!
You wicked little boy!”

He laughed at me and fled on foot
And once I nearly caught him,
But tripped and fell
Into the ageratum.

I found him in the storage shed
Where he had found some paint
Now we have a green pug dog
To get it off we can’t!

“You really ought to speak to him!”
I told his doting mom.
“His shrink said don’t repress him
To scold him would do harm.”

I did the child a favor
Since I’m a kindly man.
I took him to the potting shed
And spanked his bottom tan!
-------------------------------------------


DON’T INVITE THE HUMMING BIRDS

I bought a hummingbird feeder
And hung it in a tree
I filled it with sugar water
And invited them to tea.

But now I can’t go near it.
My chances are quite slim
Of coming out of this alive.
My future has grown grim.
They fight and dive and poop on me,
And flit about the sky.
One day I’ll poison their nectar
And let the damn things die!
-------------------------------------------


IN PRAISE OF EARTHWORMS

Welcome to my garden
Simple creatures to be sure.
Stay and make my plants grow
With your gift of worm manure.

Rest here and break my soil up,
Squirming guys and wriggling gals
Don’t let me break your fun up.
Stay here and we’ll be pals.

It matters not a fig to me
You’re slimy and unsightly
I’ll sing sweet songs about you
And praise you day and nightly.
-------------------------------------------


I MADE A GARDEN FOR MY LOVE

I made a garden for my love
And planted it with herbs.
I placed it near the kitchen
A favor she deserves.

For my love cooks good things for me
And serves me at my will.
With savory stews and omeletes
And cucumbers with dill.

The house is always spotless.
She’s never mean or cruel.
She knits me nice warm sweaters
And even spins the wool.

I know I’ll always find her
Waiting at the gate
When I’ve been out philandering
And then pretend I’m late.

I grant her a generous allowance
She accounts for every cent.
She makes her own hats and dresses.
Never asks for compliments.

I do not grant them to her.
I’m more inclined to scold
To keep her from ever knowing
She is worth her weight in gold!

How could she tire of such a man?
I really couldn’t say.
The note she left said simply:
“Martha Stewart has moved away!”
-------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

WELCOME TO SCHUYLER

We Virginians are not known for modesty in describing the virtues of our commonwealth. We are tempted to use such descriptive phrases as most beautiful, most legendary, most historic, most hospitable, mother of the most presidents but most of the time good manners finally overtake us and we simply say, “Why don’t y’all come to see us?”

Many of you have asked for information about how to get to my hometown and what to do when you get here. With summer upon us when you will probably be traveling I hope the following will be helpful:

Schuyler is located roughly in the very center of Virginia in Nelson County, an area rich in history and unspoiled beauty. Nelson is nestled between the Blue Ridge Mountains to the West and the James River to the east. A large portion of the western section of the county is the George Washington National Forest. To visit the area is to step back in time. A perfect destination for you to explore our way of life, our good food, our beautiful rivers and streams, and even our moonshine or “recipe” as we call it around here.

If you are traveling by air the closest airport is in Charlottesville. Wonderful things to see and do in Charlottesville, but we’re headed for Schuyler. You need to go south on Route 29. The road winds through scenic rural Virginia and rises almost imperceptibly because you are headed for mountain country. Neat farms, antique shops, gas stations, apple orchards, vegetable stands color the way. Frequently Virginia Historical Markers will point out the birthplace of our famous sons or daughters or the site of a long ago Civil War battle.

You have to look for it or you might miss it. Route 6. Turn left here. Slow down and take the time to decelerate, to leave the frantic pace of cities behind you and take the time to savor all the beauty and serenity that is ahead.

It would be easy to describe these places in terms of dates and statistics, but I want you to enjoy your visit to my home in a personal way. I want you to experience it as I have experienced it and have written about it in my books and on television.

This road holds family memories. My father came along here on a snowy Christmas Eve in 1933.

When the depression came the mill closed. Clay Spencer found work as a mechanist at the Du Pont Company in Waynesboro that was forty miles away. During the week he lived in a boarding house. He had no car so every Friday night he would take the Trailways bus that let him off at Hickory Creek. From here he would walk or hitchhike if a car happened past, the remaining six miles. From “The Homecoming.”

On this road Brother Jim once struck a deer on a sharp curve one foggy night and barely survived the encounter. Brother Cliff and I caught minnows under the Faber Bridge. We pass the old apple storage shed, then the Volunteer Fire Department building, past Faber, and the lovely Shiloh Baptist Church on the right hand side of the road. Soon we are in wild country of hardwood trees under-grown with dogwood and red bud – a sight in the spring that will lift your heart.

There may be a sign there indicating Schuyler or Irish Road. Keep going! You’re getting close to Route 800, and you will turn right and climb gently two miles up toward the village of Schuyler.

The first sign of human habitation you come upon is on the left -a row of neat frame houses with porches decorated with rocking chairs or even an old washing machine. Now the road bends sharply to the right and downhill. Suddenly you arrive at an open confusing area. A small white clapboard building to the left is the remains of the old Schuyler Post Office.

To get an overall picture of Schuyler of today you need to know that it is the relic of a company town, a mill town. It was built on soapstone. As it name implies soapstone is very soft. It’s most important ingredient is talc, the softest mineral. Because it is so easily quarried and shaped it was very useful as a building material. At a point it was discovered that the largest vein of soapstone in the world existed under what is now Schuyler and its surrounding area.

Commercial harvesting of soapstone had been underway at a nearby village called Alberene, but when it was determined that Schuyler sat on the motherlode of the stone the company moved its operation to Schuyler.

While its wages were low, overall the company was benign. It established a hospital with a resident doctor, a commissary where employees could “charge:” against their earnings, occasional dental service. Whole neighborhoods came into being, - rows of two story clapboard homes in areas called Goldmine, named after the site of an abandoned gold mine. Riverside Drive, named after the row of homes bordering a stretch of the Rockfish River and Stumptown, named after the number of stumps that had been left when the lumber for the buildings had been harvested.

The company and the village prospered until 1934 when the mill closed its doors throwing 450 employees out of work. One of them was my father.

This area was once the center of a thriving community. Next to the post office are the remains of what was once a company owned and operated restaurant and pool hall, facing you is a building that housed many of the company offices as well as a commissary, butcher shop and drug store. There is not a soul in sight. The village is deserted.

Not quite. Sometimes if you are fortunate you will find an employee of the present owner of the mill who will give you a tour. My Grandfather Colonel Anderson Gianinni worked in the carpenter shop. He built crates in which to ship the great slabs of soapstone. My father worked as a mechanist at a shop about an eighth of a mile to the left where he spent much of his time repairing the machines that cut and polished the stone.

Past the soapstone plant the road climbs upward and there at the top of the hill, pause for a moment, then cautiously (it’s on a blind curve) cross the road and park in front of the Walton Mountain B and B.

This is the ideal place to begin your exploration of Schuyler because it is the center of a triangle formed by the Hamner house, the Schuyler School and the Baptist Church. – The center of the three most influential forces on my life and my writing.

Stop and say hello to Scott Pound, one of the owners of the B and B. He is a genial host and will show you some of the rooms, which are handsomely and comfortably furnished with good Virginia antiques. With very little urging he will even take you by his show room – a store - where he has all sorts of Walton memorabilia, collectables, gifts, antique reproductions and primitive country décor as well as copies of my books, for sale – the only place in Schuyler where autographed copies of my books are available.

The B and B was known as Walker’s Store back in thee old days because it was operated by Willie Walker, the son of Schuyler Walker head of one of the earliest families to settle in the area who gave it the name of Schuyler. For many years the store was vacant and seeking escape from that multitude of brothers and sisters as a teenager I used to hideout there for the solitude I needed in which to write.

We do a lot of porch sitting in that part of the country. Have a seat on the deck of the B&B and look to your right: From here you have a good view of the Baptist Church. Back in those depression years, on any Sunday morning, you might have seen my brothers and sisters and me on our way to church.

With our hair combed and our faces scrubbed within an inch of our lives and all dressed up in our Sunday best, we would head for Sunday school. My sister Marion usually led the way. She was the feisty yon and often got in fights, usually when she was standing up for one of her younger brothers. From “A Joyful Noise”

Back in those primitive days I was frightened by blood and thunder, fire and brimstone preachers. But today I believe in the hands of our present minister, Pastor Tom Fowler, a more loving, more forgiving God may reside there. Pastor Tom is a friend and I know he would want to invite you to stop by and attend services. You should go inside just to see the restored Sanctuary, which is now as it was when I was a child. Large beams cross the worship space, tied together intricately, and ancient colored glass windows adorn the sanctuary, giving it a feeling of more expensive stained glass. It is simple, but eloquent, a plain country church, where my family went for worship every Sunday. The basement served as a temporary school for a period long ago, when the Schuyler Elementary School building burned to the ground. I was in the Second Grade that year and my homeroom was in the basement of the present building. My mother is remembered at the church by a simple soapstone plaque embedded in the outdoor pavilion.

On past the church there is an overgrown path that leads to where Drusilla’s Pond was located. After work my father used to take the whole gang fishing.

Each child had his own fishing pole, and you never heard such squealing and screaming as they started pulling in silver perch and sun perch and once in a while a bass or catfish. When the sun goes down something sinister comes over Druysilla’s Pond. Old skillpot turtles rise to the surface and like sentinels gaze out across the darkening water. Bullfrogs lurk along the shore and start their ghostly croaking. A while crane sweeps down and comes to rest on the trunk of a fallen tree. Long ago two of our cousins were drowned in the pond and if you dare to stay till darkness falls you might see poor Arlene and Eddie through the thick stand of pines that grow on the water’s edge. From “You Can’t Get There From Here.”.

Another landmark is just over the hill past the church. It is the site of Powerhouse Number One and the dam over the Rockfish is still a sight to see. Under the bridge used to be a dependable and productive fishing site. My father once caught a thirty-pound carp there. None of us ever actually saw the fish because he said he gave it away and we believed him. We had no reason to doubt him, but the story of the struggle to land the behemoth grew better, longer and more dramatic each time he told it.

Home. To me in spite of the passing time and the fact that no Hamner still lives it will always be all that the word implies. It is the place that I come from. It was where during a desperate time in our national history my mother and father raised eight children and gave us the love and security to face an uncertain future.

Take a moment and look up through the wisteria arch to the while clapboard house with the porch that extends across the font. This is what is now known as the Hamner House, and indeed we did live there for most of our lives. Today it is owned by a caring and civic-minded Virginian, Pamela Rutherford. The house was built in 1925 as a residence for employees of the Alberene Stone Company. When the company closed because of the depression my father bought the house for five hundred dollars. By 1970’s it had fallen into disrepair and my brother, Jim, the last family member to live there, had moved out. Even the underpinning of soapstone was collapsing. To her everlasting credit, Mrs. Rutherford bought the house and is doing an incredible job of restoring it and has even managed to have it listed as one of Virginia’s historic home. The restoration of the house is a work in progress with much interior painting and furnishing still to come. If you had looked through the kitchen window when I was still a boy you would have seen the family at breakfast.

They were seated at a table nine feet long. Clay had built it himself and it was flanked on either side by wooden benches. There were eight children in all. Each one had red hair, but on each head the shade of red was different. Each of them was small of bone and lean. Some of them were freckled and some were not and some had the brown eyes of their father and some had their mother’s green eyes, but on each of them there was some stamp of grace of build and movement, and it was this that Clay voiced when he said, as he often did, “Every one of my babies is a thoroughbred. You ever in y our life see any thing so pretty?”

Olivia looked up from the frying pan where she was frying eggs to each individual’s liking, and said, “If I had my way my children would never grow up. I’d just keep them little for the rest of their lives.” From “Spencer’s Mountain.

When I was growing up there each of us had chores to do. It has been torn down now but back in those days there was a barn at the far end of the yard. As the eldest it became my duty to milk the family cow when my father went off to Waynesboro to work.

Clay-Boy sat on a three-legged stool, while he milked the Guernsey cow, Chance his head resting tightly in her flanks. It wasn’t a job he minded. The cow placidly chewed her mash, occasionally giving him a companionable flick of her tail. Once she turned and lowed briefly and examined him with her dark, serious, luminous eyes, thanking him, Clay-Boy supposed, for the extra bucket of mash he had given her since it was Christmas Eve. From “The Homecoming.”

Look up to the house from the front yard and picture a boy seated behind the window to the right. He is tall and thin and red headed. He is working at a desk he has constructed himself and he is writing with a pencil in a Big Five tablet. It is his deepest yearning to be a writer, and toward that end he is keeping a journal, a record of the weather, of observations about people, all those events that make up his day, his deepest feelings which he shares with no one and consequently he hides the tablet under the mattress of his bed.

OLIVIA
What in the world would anybody hide a tablet for?

JOHN-BOY
Mama, I’ve got a right to some kind of privacy around here.

OLIVIA
Is it something you’re ashamed of?

JOHN-BOY
No, ma’am.

OLIVIA
Then why are you hiding it?

JOHN-BOY
Know what’s in this tablet, Mama? All my secret thoughts, how I feel and what I think about. What its like late at night to hear a whippoorwill call and its mate call back, The rumble of the midnight train crossen the trestle at Rockfish, watchen water go by in the creek and knowen that someday it will reach the ocean and wondering if some day I will ever see an ocean and what a wonder that would be. Sometimes I hike over to the highway and watch the busses go by and all the people in them and wonder what they’re like and what they say to each other and where they’re bound for.

OLIVIA
(wonderingly)
I do vow.

JOHN-BOY
If things had been different, sometime I think I might have become a writer.

OLIVIA
Can’t you still, son?

JOHN-BOY
It takes a college education, Mama; I don’t see much chance of that.

From the film of “The Homecoming.”

Across the road, where the Post Office is now, there was a pasture where we kept our cow, Chance. It had once been an orchard and there were a few crab apple trees still alive. I remembember a special morning in spring and I described it in “Spencer’s Mountain.”

Suddenly a flock of goldfinches flew into the orchard, thousands of little golden bundles that might have been flung from the morning sun into the pale green fog-damp orchard. They would cling to the young branches, fill the air with their canary-like warbling long enough to announce the new day and then disperse to their separate chores of eating or singing or courting. Each spring they came to the orchard and some mornings they came in such number that the pale green leaves would be concealed and the trees would become a swaying mass of gold and singing.

I remember going to sleep in that house. You would expect way out there in the country the night would be quiet but not so.

Outside the night was filled with sound. The high mechanical screech of the cicada was a metallic din that gradually fell silent. A turtledove called. His mate answered, far off, and then her voice sounded again and his voice called out, closer now. In the distance, flowing over the pine trees from the swamp, past the pond, came the thousand-voice choir of frogs. Once only came the saddest sound in the world, the single unanswered voice of a whippoorwill, but there was no one to hear it. Everyone in the house was asleep.

In memory I say goodnight to that house. I hear the slap of a screen door closing for the night. Inside the children finish their homework and prepare for bed. After the last light is out they call good night to each other. Three thousand miles and seventy years away I still hear those sweet voices.

On the very last episode of The Waltons when the story has been told there is a shot of the house and as the lights fade to dark, John-Boy as a man reads the following:

I had returned to the mountains once again to find the inspiration I needed to write. Soon I was back in New York City, laboring over yet another book, and because of the renewed courage they brought me; I would never forget all the people I had known there. I hope you’ll remember this house as I do. The mystical blue ridges that stretch beyond it into infinity’ the sound of warm voices drifting out upon the night air, a family waiting, and a light in the window. Goodnight.

As we leave my old home and continue up the road we go past what was once my old school that now houses The Walton Museum. The center room facing the road was traditionally the senior’s room. In the graduating class of 1940 we were Lynette Bradshaw, Verdie Hamilton, Jean Kidd, Elaine Mawyer, Edith Drumheller Ragland, Jane Rainey, Louise Rainey, Christine Shumaker, Estelle Thomas, Elsie Tillman, Dorothy Witt and me, the only boy in the class! Remembering my graduation day I wrote this closing narration for ‘The Graduation” episode of The Waltons.”

JOHN BOY AS A MAN
We could not have known on that day the momentous events that were to follow. But that small school and those teachers had prepared us and that preparation helped sustain us through those turbulent years, through war through depression, the death of kings and presidents and through those lesser day to day experiences which added together make up the fabric of our lives.

To the left of the schoolhouse was the basketball court. In my senior year I had a desperate crush on the teacher, Miss Elsie Mayo, who coached the girl’s basketball team. It was my first love affair and I wrote about it in my book “Generous Women.”


Her blonde hair moved in a constantly changing pattern of beauty as she moved alongside the members of the team calling out encouragement. To my anguish I learned that she was dating the boy’s gym instructor, T. Dan Gusmerotti. He was dark and handsome and I hated him. At the senior dance I finally managed to dance with Miss Elsie. That voluptuous blonde hair touched my cheek. My feet behaved, and carried away with ecstasy, I began to croon!

‘Careless, now that you’ve got me loving you,

You’re careless, careless in everything you do…

She seemed unaware of the depth of my passion and kept looking over my shoulder to T. Dan Gusmerotti. I am sure she had no idea how heartbroken I was when at the end of the school year she married the man!

The long wooden building to the left of the basketball court was the earliest school in the community. Today it has been turned into residential units. A few hundred feet up the road to the left is a small convenience store and filling station that has become a landmark. Back in the early days it was owned by a family named Sneed. It was the inspiration for Ike Godsey’s Country store on “The Waltons.” Ike’s wife, Corabeth was the only person on the mountain who hated it. She used to call it “this cultural backwater!” Do stop by and say hello or buy some gas or an ice cream.

Continuing on past the store for only a hundred or so feet is a road that goes left. Just in sight down this road is the building where I was born. Back then it was a hospital operated by the Alberene Stone Corporation. Today it is a private residence. Treasured friends still live there.

Other houses along this stretch include the Baptist Parsonage, The Morris House where my Aunt Bessie lived with her husband, Sam Morris and their childen, The Hamner House that was once the home of my Grandmother and Grandfather Hamner.

The last house along this road to the left is the Norvell house. My father’s sister, Lily, said to be the most beautiful of the Hamner girls married Ernest Norvel. All of the family has gone except for one daughter who still lives there. Nearby is the family graveyard where my grandparents, Cliff and Susan Henry Hamner, my mother and father, Earl and Doris Hamner and some others dear to me are at rest.

Stay on this road and you are now on your way to Rockfish and I have to make a confession. As I wrote my stories and books I needed a small town nearby to Walton’s Mountain and while I did not invent Rockfish I did enhance it a bit. In truth is one lonely little building – a former post office - with one chair sitting on the porch. But it is worth the trip because you are now on one of the most beautiful stretches of road in Virginia.

Much of the way you will be adjacent to the Rockfish River. Today the river is a placid stream that moves gently along its rocky bed, but 1969 it turned into a monster. Hurricane Camille dropped torrents of rain that causes catastrophic damage to all of Nelson County and especially along this stretch of the river. Homes, barns, livestock. trucks, trailer homes and people were caught in its mighty flood and swept away. In Nelson alone some one hundred and twenty eight people lost their lives.

The road eventually reaches Route 29. If you turn left here you will reach Lovingston, our countyseat. Your first shop should be The Visitor’s Center at 8445 Thomas Nelson Highway. Or you can call ahead for information to 800.282.8223. Or dial up info@nelsoncounty.com. Once at the center a hospitable and knowledgeable group of folks will happily answer your inquiries and recommend some of the many sites of interest in the area. If you have any difficulty in finding the activity you are looking for one or two of them will probably close the office and lead you there.

Often visitors are so taken with the area they want to move there. Pick up a copy of Nelson County Life (it’s free and fun to read) for listings of some of the wonderful homes for sale in the area.

Pride compels me to urge you to ask for directions to The Earl Hamner Theater. At the visitor’s center they will know the schedule of what music or theater is available while you are in the area. Enjoy!

Before leaving Lovingston, be sure to stop by the Lovingston Cafe for lunch, dinner, or a snack. The food is down home and the waitress may address you as “Honey” but like the rest of us, she just wants you to feel at home, as welcome as the flowers in May, and that if you have the time we hope you will stay a while.

Where the River Road meets Route 29 you also have the option of turning right. You are now twenty-six miles from Charlottesville, two hours by car from Richmond and three hours from Washington, D.C. Ahead are picturesque small towns, museums, theaters, parks, hotels, restaurants, country inns, wineries, and shopping venues, are waiting for you.

And as we say to all departing visitors, “Hope you folks enjoyed yourselves as much as we enjoyed having you. Y’all come back soon, you hear?”

Monday, March 23, 2009

WHY I AM WEARING THIS SLING

Someone asked me recently how old I am and I said I am eighty-five but I only feel eighty-four. I am not complaining. I hope to stick around for as long as I can. Chances look good. Physically I am a pathetic old thing to look at, but the vital organs work as well as they ever did. Mentally I’m nothing to boast about, but I get by with what’s there.

Coping with old age can be a challenge.

Waking in the morning, if one is so fortunate, can be the most challenging part of the day. Just getting out of bed can be dangerous.

First, you really ought to be able to see. You feel about on the bedside table for your glasses. In doing so you knock over a bottle of aspirin, the alarm clock and the table lamp. Eventually the glasses turn up on page thirty-seven of “How To Improve Your Memory,” the book you were reading when you fell asleep.

Second, you need to hear. Hearing aids have a life of their own. Mine are little rubbery things with metal attachments that whistle. Often I can even hear with them, but mostly I rely on an ability to read lips that I have developed out of necessity. Frequently they develop legs and crawl so far under the bed that you have to kneel and feel about until you retrieve them. Don’t even mention changing their cunning little batteries. Once one of them escapes it rolls even further under the bed than its parent.

Oh, and teeth! Dentures restore a little of what I used to call “my looks” so the sooner the better. They are nowhere to be seen until you spot them in the glass of chardonnay you left half empty at bedtime.

Finally you get what I laughingly call my body dressed and go to the kitchen for breakfast.

The meal consists of one half of an English muffin for me, the other half for Peaches, acceptable to her only if it is generously smeared with extra crunchy peanut better.

You remember that you have an appointment at CBS to pitch an idea for a television pilot. It’s not like the good old days when you had two shows on the air and were making a million dollars a minute for them. The receptionist asks your name twice now and when you are finally in the presence of the twelve-year-old executive in charge he helps you to your seat and offers you a glass of warm milk.

You are half way to the appointment when you realize that you are still in your pajama bottoms.

You return home and are greeted at the door by a pretty woman who claims she is your wife. You decide you had good taste when you were choosing a mate, but you wonder what her name is.

This is also the time of “the fall!” Every family has a story of “the fall.” It is a landmark in the lives of most people in, what for some puzzling reason are called, their “golden” years.

“After Aunt Edna’s fall she never got out of bed again!”

“After Dad’s fall he was never the same.”

“When Mama had her fall she just laid there!”

I had my fall a few weeks ago.

Jane and I were going to the beach house for the weekend. It was one of those spring days when every plant in the garden was bursting with new life. The morning was cool and there was a special slant of light that illuminated earth and sky. It was one of those mornings when nobody is looking I cry out in awe and wonder: “Good Morning World!”

The car was mostly packed. Jane was trying to round up Peaches who goes berserk with excitement when she hears the word “beach.” She has a vocabulary of close to two hundred words so Jane and I have to spell things out a lot.

There are three steps from our front gate down to the road. I maneuvered two but missed the third one and went sprawling out onto the street.

I may have been unconscious for a few moments but when I came to I wondered what I was doing there. When I tried to get up nothing worked, and then I saw BLOOD!

It was then I started shouting for Jane, but she was at the far end of the house trying to lasso Peaches and did not hear me. When Peaches becomes excited she has running fits and has to be cornered before she can be hooked to her leash.

I decided that my only hope was if someone were to drive past and would have the decency not to run over me and quite possibly stop and ask if I needed help. Ordinarily vehicles race along our narrow country road at all hours of the night and day. Many of the drivers aim their vehicles at children, old people and dogs but so far the kids and old folks and our dogs have been nimble enough to avoid fatal injury.

Unable to reach Jane and still seeing blood I decided that my life was ebbing away, but I was consoled by the fact that my last living moments I would experience the jasmine that is in full intoxicatingly rich perfume by the front gate.

Finally Jane came to the back door and rather plaintively called, ”Earl, where ARE you?”

“Here,” I croaked in what I thought might be my final words on earth. I regretted the moment for I have often rehearsed what I want to be my final words and I certainly did not want them to be ‘here.’ And certainly did not plan to deliver them face down in some remote country road in the Hollywood Hills. One of my favorite last words I planned to deliver in Sweden when I hoped to accepts the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature. Another was before the Virginia State Legislature when I extolled the virtues of my native Nelson County. For too long it has been associated with bootleggers and xenophobic hillbillies. There are people back there now who know how to read and write for God’s sake and I wanted to tell the world.

Jane rises to every occasion with grace and composure, but it is in the face of disaster that she amazes me most. I have seen her cope with fire, flood and famine and I am sure that when “the big one” comes, as we are promised that earthquake will, she will save us all.

Discovering me face down in the street, bleeding and broken, she helped me to a sitting position and assured me that I would live. All the while she was staunching the blood and cleaning it away from my forehead and hands. The injuries were not all that severe but I take a blood thinner and consequently I bleed alarmingly with very little encouragement.

Once on my feet and assured that no broken bones are visible Jane led me into the house. Peaches looks at me reproachfully. She expected that we would be on our way to the beach by now.

When we finally reach the beach it is late afternoon. Both arms, wrists and a finger or two were swollen and in pain. Jane decreed that we go to the Emergency. Daughter Caroline and her husband, Pepe, always reliable and supportive, joined the effort and delivered me there.

It is a facility run by achingly beautiful young nurses and female doctors. An excruciatingly beautiful young blond nurse gave me a tetanus shot and said it wouldn’t hurt. It hurt like hell, but there was no way I was going to cringe in front of such beauty. A stunning young woman entered and introduced herself as my doctor. Her touch was cool and comforting as she examined the effected areas. The only man I laid eyes on was a nice guy named Eric who took the X-rays and recommended an excellent book which I am now reading called “The Zoo Keeper’s Wife.”

After a few hours I emerged, forehead patched up, one arm in a sling, fingers in splints, both wrists in supports, and with a prescription for Vicodan. The folks at the Emergency had done an excellent job. I was instructed to see my orthopedic doctor as soon as I got back to town.

My family doctor gave me a number for a medical group called The Center for Sports Medicine and Orthopedic Surgery. I made an appointment for the following day.

When Jane and I arrived in the waiting room we surrounded by tall lanky young African American men who looked like basketball players I had seen on television. When their names were called to go into the examining room they walked with a kind of strut that I admired tremendously. Another young man who walked with a limp carried a tennis racket in a leather case. A young woman, one leg in a cast, sat across from us. And one mountainous guy with legs like oak trees engaged Jane and me in a mumbled conversation in which we were able to gather that he was a professional football player and was recovering from his fifth surgery on his right leg.

In the examining room I sat slouched, dejected and depressed. Frustrated that I could not use my hands to brush my teeth, comb my hair, or open a bottle of wine (that bothered me most of all). I sat and made little sobbing noises. I felt old. I reminded myself to check to see if the will was in order. I was in pain and wondered if I would ever regain use of my arms and fingers. And then a good looking young doctor breezed in. He took one look at me and said “What’s going on, Dude?”

It was the first time in my buttoned down, conservative, bookish life anyone had ever called me “dude.” It was a moment I will treasure forever. He had bestowed the mantle of “jock” upon me.

I sat up a little straighter and decided that there was no way I was going to tell this guy that I had simply fallen ass-over-tea-kettle for no reason and muttered something about slipping while shooting baskets at the hoop over the garage door.

“Stuff happens,” said the doctor. After consulting the x-rays and a physical exam, he said, ”Let’s get rid of all this crap.”

And with that he slipped off my sling, began cutting off the splints and discarding the wrist supports. He prescribed some exercises, told me to come back in a month, gave me a high five on my least injured hand and was gone.

I am happy to report that since that day getting up in the morning is a piece of cake. My glasses, hearing aids, and dentures are much easier to find. I have developed a little strut like the one I observed the other jocks in the waiting room had perfected. Swaggering down the hall in the morning I stop to look at my image in the mirror and a dude gazes back. I continue on to my Breakfast of Champions and when I see my wife I remember her name.

Don’t look for me on the sidelines, Sports Fans; I’m off the bench and back in the game!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

MY LIFE IN SIN

Sometimes on my way home to Nelson County from California, I fly to Dulles Airport, rent a car, and drive down Route 29. It is a lovely drive through old towns where the lights are just beginning to come on as night falls across Virginia. State Historical Markers point out where this or that Civil War battle took place.

At Manassas the old fought-on-landscape is dotted with cannon and fencerows, and ghosts lurk in the shadows. Over a rise in the highway, the Blue Ridge Mountains come into view, and my heart lifts. At such an hour the mountains are fringed with rich crimson sunsets that fade gradually to purple and then to a dark blue.

I stop in Charlottesville, park my car, and walk along The Mall where once Main Street was busy with street cars, country people, horse drawn wagons, and buggies.

It is usually late at night by the time I arrive there, and I go looking for the boy I used to be. He is twelve years old, and he has a quarter burning a hole in his pocket. He in the grips of The Great Depression and a quarter is a treasure.

He is tall for his age, a freckled boy wearing knickers, mended many times at the knees, ankle socks in a brown argyle pattern worn thin at the heels, and his “good” shoes which have been freshly polished in observance of this trip into the city. It is the third year of use for the “aviator” jacket he wears, and since he has grown alarmingly in the past year his wrists stick out inches below his sleeves. His short sandy colored hair is covered by an imitation leather “aviator” cap that fits snugly around his head.

He is a country boy in town, so he moves tentatively. This is Albemarle County, after all, and foreign country. By nature the boy is shy, but he is also unsure of himself because he doesn’t know city ways.

People move more briskly here than they do out in the country. Everybody is nicely dressed. Many of them are students at the University, wearing saddle shoes and good tweed jackets.

The boy stands in front of the Woolworth Five-and-Dime, his nose pressed against the glass. He feels the quarter in his pocket. He tells himself that he must not spend it. He had made a promise to God.

He had been working hard to save his soul that year. At church he has been taught that a sin of thought is as evil as a sin of deed. Try as he might he could not prevent sins of thought from swarming through his head. He knew that he would burn in Hell.

But then he reasoned, What if he could buy salvation? What if when the Devil came to throw him into the Eternal Fire he was able to say that he had given his fortune to the church? The thought gave him momentary peace.

It may have been the newfound peace that caused him to revert to his willful and ignoble nature. Was it necessary, he asked himself, to donate the entire quarter to the collection box? What if he tithed? Would ten percent buy full salvation, or only a percentage? Looking for any excuse to hold on to as much of the money as he could, he did the arithmetic and calculated that ten percent of twenty-five cents is two and a half cents. Who by rights should get the half-cent God or him?

Now looking through the window at Woolworth’s and savoring the luxuries inside he feels his will weakening. The quarter would buy several Big Five writing tablets and he needs a new one for the journal he is keeping. Secretly he yearns to be a writer and has kept a journal almost from the time he first learned to write. The quarter would also buy a pair of socks. He needs them badly. He enters Woolworth intent on simply pricing the socks. On the way to the sock counter he passes Stationary. Almost in a trance he selects a tablet. He hands over the quarter and receives twenty cents in change.

All caution, all conscience has been thrown aside. Back on Main Street, carrying his tablet in a sack, he wanders. In front of Timberlake Drug Store he stops. He has never ventured in, but he has always wanted to see what it is like inside. Recklessly he enters. A waiter indicates a round marble topped table and indicates it is free. The boy sits uncomfortably in one of the wrought-iron chairs. A couple at the next table are sharing with straws something dark and interesting looking.

The waiter arrives and asks to take his order. The boy is confused by the menu, and finally he points to the couple at the next table and says, “What’s that they’re drinking over there?

“Chocolate malt,” answers the waiter.

“Can I have one of them, too?”

“Coming up.”

The waiter disappears and the boy attempts to look as citified as the other customers, but his is ill at ease and his posture becomes withdrawn as if he is trying to become invisible. He fixes his eyes on the marble top of the table in front of him and waits.

But then his order arrives and a look of the purest pleasure spreads across his thin freckled face. In a single moment in those pinched and poverty-stricken days, this Young Prince of the Baptist Church has given in to yet another temptation. The Devil has won! The boy has spent all but pennies on drink.

It is his first chocolate malt. The rich, smooth, frosty, malty, chocolate creaminess of it is more delicious than anything he has ever imagined. He will remember it all the days of his life, and he will also remember it in Hell where there is no doubt he is soon to become a citizen.